Feel Something
by LavenderFairy17
Summary: After a major battle of the war, Tonks helps Remus to grieve in the only way she knows how. Rated for sexual content. Please review!


_Authors Note: The Order continues to use Grimmauld Place as their operation headquarters in this version of the story, very AU. Remus lives there full time and often Tonks will join him. This follows the same storyline as Quiet Nights, Quidditch, and Supper. _

The silence of the upper part of the old house was broken as Remus and Tonks stumbled into his room bedraggled and filthy. They had spent the last five hours in what would become known as one of the deadliest battles of the War. The injuries and deaths had been gruesome, the nearby area completely torn apart. Casualties including Peter Pettigrew, Lucius & Draco Malfoy, Mad Eye Moody, Bill Weasley, and Kingsley Shacklebolt.

They had come upstairs for some silence following the disastrous scene downstairs. Even now Tonks could hear Molly and Fleur Weasley wailing as they were told the news. Tonks shivered as she thought of the small, red haired boy who would never know his father and she quickly put a silencing spell on the room to drown out the cries.

Remus collapsed on the bed exhausted and Tonks collapsed beside him. She was worried about him because he hadn't spoken a word since they got the all clear to leave. He was normally the calm and comforting one, but now he simply sat a stunned expression on his face and said nothing. She thought he might be in shock and she just wished he would open up and grieve properly. It was unnerving the way he just sat there staring straight ahead at nothing.

The silence is beginning to make her feel suffocated and strained so she springs into action. She conjures them some tea but he shakes his head to tell her he doesn't want any when she offers it. She puts it aside and sighs. Unsure what to do she wraps her arms around him on the bed and is rewarded as he lays his head on her shoulder. She strokes his hair and he sighs but says nothing.

There are times when he withdraws, pulls away, and alienates himself and this is one of those times. She feels that he is unreachable even though he is in her arms. She thinks quietly of the people who lost their lives and those who were injured and what they had come through. They were lucky to be alive after that ambush by Death Eaters. She is still shaking and looking over her shoulder. Her hold on life was firm enough that she would be ok but at the moment she was simply spent and scared.

The man in her arms didn't even seem to notice she was there or touching him. His voice, when he speaks, breaks the silence and causes her to jump. "I am truly the last one left. James and Lily are gone. Sirius is gone. Now even Peter is dead. All the people who meant something to me in my childhood are gone. It's just me now." He continues to stare straight ahead and his voice is eerily calm.

"My parents died before the first war. Did I ever tell you that? Dad in his sleep and Mum a short while after in an accident. My friends held me together through that because no one else wanted to take in and console a werewolf. I lived with Sirius for a year until I could get a job and support myself. Those were some of the happiest times since Hogwarts. Then the War came and passed and now we are on the edge of another and I am alone again. I don't want to be alone anymore," he says lifting his head to look at her. She looks at him in surprise and is startled when he leans his forehead against hers and closes his eyes.

"You're not," she says quietly. "You're not alone." She kisses him gently on the lips and he pulls back to look at her. Their eyes meet and as he searches hers she offers him all she feels for him to help ease the sadness and pain in his.

He frames her face with his hands and kisses her passionately and demandingly. The kiss deepens as she responds and she puts all the grief and emotion she is feeling into the kiss. She realizes he is doing the same without even realizing it. He pulls her against him and breaks off their kiss to look into her eyes. He then places his forehead against hers and questions her with his eyes.

"I want you, Remus Lupin," she whispers. "I've been in your bed a long time now. I've been trying so hard to ignore the way I feel and what I want but I can't anymore. I can't pretend that you're just a friend-I want you to much. We both need this. Let me make love to you," she says in answer to his eyes. He smiles sadly and kisses her again.

They are silent the only sound in the room that of clothes being removed, little moans, and their kissing. They are trailing kisses and caresses across one another's bodies as they hit the bed. She takes the lead worshipping his body with her hands, mouth, and tongue. He is soon panting and writhing in her hands and she smiles as she climbs on top of him. She straddles him and he sucks his breath in sharply at the touch of a woman after so long.

They start to move and it's fast paced and purely lust. They both feel the heat building and as he looks at her with her hair tousled on top of him he feels truly alive for the first time since Sirius died. They lock eyes right before they both come and cry out. She collapses forward onto his chest and they lay there catching their breath together.

He thinks of how alive he feels and knows it's thanks to this woman on top of him. This woman who has given him so much and he realizes that he can give her the joy she gave him.

Suddenly he rolls over with her underneath him and he grins at her. "The first time was for me. This time is for you," he grins before trailing kisses down her body. It is his turn to worship her body and he does so in all the ways he is skilled too. He makes her writhe and moan several times before they join together again. They repeat in various positions and styles throughout the room, resting in between, not talking, before one or the other of them initiates the sex. It's the first time they have ever been intimate and shared more than a kiss or a bed. There is no time for thinking or evaluating-its sex for the pure pleasure of not thinking anymore.

At last near dawn as he shudders into her one last time she knows that she is finally capable of sleep. She has run out of steam a few times back but she knows he needs this. He collapses and curls up next to her with his head on her chest. She pulls the covers around them and softly strokes his hair again as he buries his head into her breasts.

She is laying there on the verge of sleep when he starts to cry. He cries silently into her chest his tears making tracks down her body. She continues to smooth his hair and remains silent as he clutches her tightly and makes no move to wipe away his tears. She doesn't mind she is glad he is at last letting it out and touched that he would do so in front of her. His body shakes silently as he sobs and her other hand rubs his back. He cries for a long time-she is not sure how long before she realizes he has fallen asleep still clutching her.

She awakes the next day very late and hungry. She smiles at seeing a naked Remus stretched out beside her. She thinks of the night before and what occurred. She realizes that despite all the death and sadness around them she feels more alive than she has in a long time. She remembers Remus finally being able to open up and grieve last night and wonders if he feels the same way she does. She stretches contentedly and hits him in the nose thereby waking him up.

"Bloody hell," he yelps rubbing his nose. She jumps and apologizes profusely torn out of her musings by his yelp. "Its ok," he mutters his glare softening at the look of contrition on her face. He moves closer to her and gathers her into his arms. "It would be nice to start the day out without a slugging match, however," he says as he kisses her neck. "Perhaps a 'Good morning Remus' would suffice?" he asks giving her that crooked smile she has fallen in love with.

"Morning," she croaks before clearing her throat. It's hard to talk when he is using that mouth to such an advantage on her. She knew a man with a background like his would be amazing in bed. She does notice, however, that upon waking he looks different to her this morning and she wonders if it because she knows the secrets of his body now. He smiles at her slightly quizzical look and then she realizes what it is. For the first time in all the time she has known him, Remus Lupin looks neither sad nor tired. She smiles broadly and closes her eyes in bliss as he continues to trail soft nips around her collarbone.


End file.
